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Monthly Archives: July 2011

UNDERSTANDING SEXUAL ORIENTATION (PART ONE)

Sex is a matter of interest to many people. In our world today, we  with all kinds of ideas of what sex is or should be through different media. In the western world, there seem to be a revolution of knowledge and the practice of sex Negative and positive. However, talking about sex in the African culture have been viewed as a taboo for a long time. People cannot openly talk about their sexual challenges for fear of being labelled immoral and as a result, many have ventured on a secret search for answers to the questions they are battling with about sex and sadly, many have exposed themselves to harmful information about sex resulting into broken relationships.
The idea of sex as taught by a cross-section of the global community has caused so much harm to the human race. Sex, an act that  should, be done as an expression of one’s love to another has now been commercialized and little thought is given before one can carelessly engage in it in inappropriate ways. Vices such as pornography paints an erotic picture in one’s mind of pleasure that may never be attained as it has been well researched that porn movies are not meant to depict intimacy by the producers but they are produced for money. Whereas sex between two people in love  could be an enjoyable experience, sex as portrayed in porn movies and other sexually explicit media could be regrettably performed even by hardcore enemies.
Sex is the highest form of intimacy expression and it must be treated as sacred thing. Often, the cause of many broken relationship is unhealthy sex life of couples. Sadly, sexual misconduct of many people is now being embraced by the global community. Now there are debates all around the globe over sexual orientations. Sexual orientation describes a pattern of emotional, romantic, and or sexual attraction to a particular gender group Male or female, both or neither. Some people feel they were born with this attraction to members of the same-sex and so they are called Homosexual. Others feel they are attracted to both members of the same and opposite sex; they are called Bisexual. Still other are attracted only to members of the opposite sex and are called Hetrosexual. Some feel they are neither attracted to members of the same sex or opposite; they are called Asexual.
Most of the challenges people have with issues of sexuality have arisen from misunderstanding of sexual orientation and the dynamism that they bring in relationships. Dynamism in relationships refers to the fact that, not all relationships are the same and the levels of closeness differ with each kind of relationship. For example, the closeness between people in a business relationship differs from that of two people who are in courtship.
Similarly, it is generally considered as a sexual disorder to be attracted to members of same sex because even the law of nature shows us that same poles repel but opposite poles attract. Even the physical nature of male and female will show us that there is a huge difference between male and female. Males have externalized sex organs but females’ are internalized.
The challenge that the above mentioned sexual orientations bring is that of accommodating all of them so as not to discriminate any of them.
Sexual orientation should not conflict with ones gender. When this happens, it should be viewed as a disorder. The argument that is often used by those involved in such relationships is that that is how they were born. It shouldn’t be accepted that easily. For example, if a man has sex with his own daughter and claims that is how he was born can society easily accept that as a good reason for having sex with his own daughter? Of course it will not. Why? Because it is against the laws of nature A clear conscience will tell you that it is not right for one to have sexual relations with the same-sex but a corrupt and polluted one will find every reason to defend this abnormality.
Am I condemning people with homosexual orientations? NO but I am arguing for Mother Nature and morarity of humanity.
Whether my thoughts are right or wrong, it is left to your conscience to judge.
In my next post, I will continue with my discussion. God bless

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Posted by on July 28, 2011 in relationships

 

GETTING OVER A HEARTBREAK

GETTING OVER A BROKEN RELATOINSHIP

                                        

 

  RESIST THE NEWS OF THE HEARTBREAK! This should be your first reaction to the bad news of the ending of your relationship. When you partner tells you it’s over, it’s not time to easily accept but you must resist the bad news. You must fight for your love. Tell him or her that you are not for the idea and that you are not ready to break up with them. Beg, cry, plead but don’t be foolish. Yes, I said it. Don’t be foolish! After begging, crying, and pleading, you should be sensitive to the emotional reactions of your partner to your desire to keep the relationship alive.

Let me just tell you the truth, under normal circumstances, a man or woman in love will not find it so easy to let go of their partner. If he does, there is an external motivation for doing so. Yes, if you are sensitive enough, that bad news should not come as a surprise. You saw that thing coming. Remember you started by complaining about how busy he/she suddenly became;  his/her phone became invisible,  you saw the strange sms’ and he/she had time for others but not you and off course there was always an explanation for the change. But now you know why?

Why should you resist the bad news? You should because when all completely fails to work out when you are gone, there will not be a motivation for coming back. We often fail to move on because we feel we have not done enough to make things work but when efforts are made, we slowly start to develop an indifferent attitude to the situation and that is a key for moving on from that hurt.

Let me bring it home now. Do you remember what you felt when someone dear to you died? Sorry to remind you of that sad experience but let me use the phases of the emotional experience during a funeral to help you get over that heart break.

  • Shock and denial (bad news) – if the news of your partner quitting the relationship does not shock you, you are living in denial. At this stage, you will have a lot of question on your mind just like we ask ourselves questions when someone dies. But look, no amount of questions will change the situation at the moment so begin to prepare to face reality- face the source of the pain.
  • Face the source of the pain(body viewing)

Face your partner- don’t be scared of going to face your partner; yes they have caused you pain but don’t allow them to end the relationship on phone or any other means other than facing you head on. Let him/her tell it to your face that it is over.

  • burry the source of the pain

When they do, thank them for the time you spent with them and in pain, burry whatever you have had with them. This means, gather whatever could remind you of them and destroy them or give them away or do whatever you can to keep such things out of reach.

  • Shift your focus

What you focus on is always magnified. When you shift your focus, you will slowly shift your affection. At this point, you will experience withdrawal symptoms but don’t succumb to them.

  • don’t pack all the eggs in one basket

The temptation that comes when you are disappointed is to put all men/ladies in one basket. It’s not true that all people are the same. People are different and you must appreciate that fact. Always remember that there is someone out there who can love you for who you are so begin to create room in your heart for them to come in.

 

 

 

 
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Posted by on July 27, 2011 in relationships

 

SEVEN SYMPTOMS OF INFATUATION

SEVENSYMPTOMS OF INFATUATION                         

 

What is infatuation? simply put, these are sudden strong feelings of attraction and love for someone resulting into a deep desire for intimate relationship with them.

  1. 1.  Impatience

An inability to wait is a symptom of infatuation. If you just want him/her under whatever circumstances then you are infatuated. If you can’t take time to build a long  and lasting relationship, if you cannot wait to jump into a relationship until you are sure of your decision, you are infatuated. They say, “True love waits.” So if you are really in love with that person, why can’t you wait for a while until you know and be sure they are the one?

 

  1. 2.  Selfishness

Just wanting things to go your way; caring less about the needs and desires of the other person; wanting to be understood and not willing to understand; wanting to get but withholding as much; getting emotionally offended when your partner disagrees with you then you are infatuated.

 

  1. 3.  Sudden Withdrawal

Infatuation presents a person as an angel of light, faultless and perfect but soon the real person appears and you tend to withdraw from him or her. You wonder what became of you to fall for them. All the chemistry that reacted in you over the person is neutralised and you feel no attraction or connection to that person. You are infatuated. A relationship that is birthed from the womb of infatuation never lasts. It usually has a hurtful end.

 

  1. 4.  Sexual Demands

Infatuation never respects the will of another person. In fact, a strong urge to have sex with the person whom you have just met is one of the major symptoms of infatuation. It comes from a strange attraction to the outward appearance of the person. In fact, infatuation is one of the signs that you could be under the control of the spirit of lust. When infatuated, you may have this want to have sex with the person and you will get very emotionally hurt if the person says no.

 

  1. 5.  Abnormal Jealousy

Jealousy is acceptable to a certain degree in a relationship but if your jealousy is uncontrollable, you are infatuated. If you can’t just stand seeing any other opposite sex talk you say you love, if you will always want to find out what they are talking about and why, you are infatuated. Look, when you met that person, you did not meet them on Mars but on Earth and they had friends and family, so you can’t come to break their friendships with other people. Unless out of concern of some destructive flaws in the people your partner calls friends, you can advise accordingly.

  1. 6.  Suspicion

If you are finding yourself suspicious of your partner’s ways all the time, you are under infatuation. True love trusts. If you cannot trust your partner and you are ever suspicious of them cheating on you or about to end the relationship for some unknown reasons, you are infatuated.

  1. 7.  Easily Taking Offense

If you easily get offended by some things your partner does, you are infatuated. You are trying to date a person who does not exist, a perfect person. True love does not easily offense but if you think you are always right, and never wrong, you are infatuated. In true love, you will always take responsibility of your wrongs and will seek to make peace with your partner.

Blessings

 
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Posted by on July 26, 2011 in relationships

 

A RELATIONSHIP, ARE YOU READY?

Hallow dear reader, are you asking wandering how one can know whether they are ready for a relationship or not? Reading this post will reveal to you insights on how you can know whether you are ready to be in a relationship or not. read on and b inspired.

1. Are you ready to be accountable?

This is one of the vital ways of assessing if you are ready for a relationship. If you want to start some secret love relationship that only you and your partner know about, you are not ready for a relationship. This does not mean you should go about advertising your relationship to everyone you but there must be some kind of openness and accountability when starting up a relationship. If you are a lady and a man proposes to you ask him if is ready to make the relationship accountable e.g. to your pastor. If he shows signs of uneasiness, take cover he is after something else other than your heart.

 2. Could you be free and happy to introduce your partner to your ex or someone you had a crush on if need be?

This does not imply that you should look for your ex (i.e. someone you were in a relationship with) to ensure that you have moved on. No, it simply means that in the event of meeting him/her, could you be free and happy to introduce the new man/lady.

You say “No!” well, you are not ready. If you truly and honestly love the person you are with right now, you will not have mixed feelings as to whether you should introduce him/her to your ex or someone you used to admire. Failure to introduce your partner for unclear and unconvincing reasons implies that you still have hopes of getting things fixed with your former partner and thus introducing the new one may kill hopes and aspirations. You can not be in a relationship and still maintain hopes of getting back with someone you once dated or had a crush on. You are not ready.

You should however realise that you will always meet people who seem to be better than your current partner and they could be. But true love that is birthed from a mature heart appreciates people who come into our lives for who they are. Your partner may not be the only “fish” in the sea but he/she is the only type of that fish in the river. So are you ready to introduce him/her or are you still hoping the other person will miraculously come back into your life? If you have such hopes, sorry, you are not ready.

3. Will you be proud and satisfied with that relationship?

Will you be comparing your relationship with others’? it is okay to be inspired by another relationship that is making strides in achieving it’s objective but if others’ relationships makes you feel embarrassed and insecure about your own, then you may not be ready to be in that relationship. Remember the famous saying, “One bird in your hand is better than a thousand in the bush.”

4. Are you willing your time into that relationship?

A relationship is a responsibility that demands your attention on an almost every day basis. Think twice before you jump into a relationship or even before you continue in one because it will require your attention. Someone said, “Time is money.” So are you ready to invest it in your relationship. Are you too occupied to give quantity and quality time to your partner? You are not ready for a relationship. Quantity means giving enough and satisfying time to your partner. Quality means giving the best of yourself to your partner. You can’t just be staring at your partner like a zombie, add something positive to partner’s well being.

5. Are you able to use your time wisely?

Inasmuch as it is very vital to invest time in a relationship, it is also very important to examine how much of your time are you spending or ready to spend in a relationship. If a relationship is going to consume all your time, you are not ready for that relationship. If a relationship is going to demand all of your energy and time, it is not adding anything to your life. Remember, you are an individual relating or intending to relate with another individual, so a relationship should not infringe you of the blessing of individuality you have a person’s life to live apart from the attachment to other people. If you cannot use your time wisely in a relationship, you are not ready for it.

6. Are you ready to invest your money in a relationship?

Can you invest in your relationship financially? Remember, a relationship is a responsibility. If you are greedy with your money, if you cannot support your partner financially when need arises, if you are a person who just wants to receive financial support from your partner but are not willing to reciprocate, you are not ready for a relationship. Selfishness is reflected by one’s unwillingness to help another in need. If you are selfish, you can not be in a happy and fulfilling relationship. Some ladies have this wrong concept of wanting to always receive from their men but that is not right. As a lady, you can still give to your man. Treat him, take him out, and let him know that you are not after his pocket but you love him for a good and loving man. Yes, a man has the responsibility to provide financial support in a relationship but a lady must not take it for granted and just sit by waiting for the man to do everything monetary in a relationship.

7. Are you ready to protect your partner?

At times the integrity of your partner will be at stake. There may be rumours, destructive ones at that, about your partner. Are you ready to defend your partner? If you are one who easily believes negative unsubstantiated reports, you are not ready for a relationship. There are embarrassing and character assassinating rumours that spread like wild fire and your partner will need you to stand by and support him/her, especially if they are false but if you cannot support your partner in times of persecutions, you are not ready for a relationship.

 
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Posted by on July 26, 2011 in relationships

 

Hello world!

      Thank you for taking time to visit my blog. I do hope you will have an interesting adventure as you read my posts. Feel free to send me an email for inquiries or any other thing.

On this blog, I will focus at discussing different topics relating to life in this world we live in. Key Topics will be Relationships and Motivational writings.

thank you and God bless.

 
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Posted by on July 26, 2011 in relationships