Many people today look at me and they admire my commitment to the lord. They ask me questions to most of which I have no answer. I have no answers because all that I am today is a total, complete and undeniable work of God’s grace over my life.
I was a messed up boy who grow up in the township of Matero in Lusaka Zambia; central Africa. I used to be a very rude boy, my mouth was vulgar and I delighted in being unruly other than following acceptable ways of life.
Because of wrong company, I found myself in taverns (bars) dancing to rumba music and sometimes there I would be, drawn to viewing what people then called blue movies. Secretly I spent hours at home cinemas watching movies with explicit sexual visuals but no one knew about it.
Yes I used to go to church just like you do. I was always at church every Sunday attending Sunday school and Monday I was in the cinema indulging my mind in eliciting viewership of X rated material. The impact of those movies was felt later after I completely surrendered my life to Jesus. Those horrible scenes played back in my mind like a rewind video. The pictures were so vivid even when I closed my eyes to worship the lord. It wasn’t easy to break free from the habit that had now got a better part of my life. On fire for Jesus, I still struggled to overcome the temptation of getting back to my old ways whenever an opportunity presented itself. It was rough and hard. It was never easy.
Day by day, a sense of guilt and shame permeated my soul. I felt I was not good enough to be loved by God. How could God love a boy so bound to the power of lust. Was there any reason for God to love me? In my mind I concluded there was none though I clearly saw in the Bible that God never judged me by the content of my pass but by the presence of his grace in the now. It was so amazing to me that even after coming from a powerful church service the compelling force of lust drew me to go back to my vomit until one day I said to myself, I am not going to spend time trying to figure out what’s wrong with me but I will now concentrate on what has been made right about me since I have given myself to Jesus. This was my turning point. This was my path way to freedom and this was my journey to the days of my deliverance from the powers of darkness.
See, were as when we humans go to buy products from the mall choose the best looking items e.g. the fresh fruits, God does the opposite when he looks around the world for someone he wants to use. He picks the messed up like you and I. But that doesn’t matter; God is able to pick you and me, clean us up and makes us into better people. He does not choose you because you are good. You do not have to be a good person. You do not have to smart. You just need to come as messed up as you are and God is specialized at fixing damaged lives. He helped me overcome, he fixed me and, made me a pastor. Today I am free. Though the temptations come my way, I day by day trust the Lord that if he helped me not to indulge myself yesterday, he will help me today.
Believe me you don’t have to be good. You don’t have to fix yourself before you can return to God. Just the way you are, come to Jesus. Bring all your broken parts he will fix them for free. You don’t have to pay for your sins, Jesus did it for you already and all you need to do is come to him in all sincerity and ask him to do something about your life and if you do your life will never be the same.
Please feel free to send me an email if you need someone to talk to.